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Dr. H is a man who has a great personality and is very kind. That said, I had a very traumatic experience. He told me I needed an ultrasound the morning of induction, but did not order one at the hospital. His nurse midwife got after me for 'being late' after I was left waiting in the hospital lobby. She said repeatedly that Dr. H wouldn't be happy if he had to be awake in the middle of the night to deliver me. Nurses told me the same through the day. When I asked for a cesarean, a nurse said that he wouldn't want to be woken up for that. (He was sleeping at the hospital, at that point.)
Baby time. She was face up when I delivered her head. He shoved her back inside me and rotated her to face down. (Google Zavanelli Maneuver) This rotation caused her cord to wrap around her neck. He unwrapped it but she was stuck (shoulder dystocia). He shoved her back inside of me a second time, calling for OR. She flatlined. He yanked with all his might, and delivered her - blue, limp, chest caved in. Apgar was 2. She was bagged for 5 hours and sent to a NICU on a ventilator.
At some point after he got her set up with the face mask and bag, he returned to the room (formerly crowded with a ton of people I didn't know)... everyone was gone but he and I. Without warning, he is elbow-deep in my vagina and I can feel his fingers ripping away the placenta from my uterine wall. I am gasping, crying, and still trying to be a 'good patient' by not screaming. He proceeded to stitch me up. I could feel every stitch - all the way into my anus. I bled heavily, so was put on pitocin for hours after the delivery. Later (while at the NICU with my daughter), I continued to bleed and passed clots the size of a dumped-out jar of jelly. Husband said that I looked like ground meat.
Baby Damage: Brachial Plexus injury, Erb's Palsy (paralysis down her left side), hematoma the size of the entire back of her head (largest the NICU had ever seen), cyst on her face (from brief use of forceps), bruising over her entire body, broken collar bone (clavicle), heart pumping blood backwards, organs spitting poison... the list goes on. She needed a lot of medical attention even after we got out of the NICU, as well as occupational therapy for months.
Postnatal Exam weeks after the birth... Mid-exam, I am suddenly sliced open with no warning whatsoever and no medication. Crying, trying not to scream, holding on for dear life, I gasp out asking what's happening. Reply... I am torn up all the way to my cervix and he is cutting it open so it heals better. Suddenly burning... more crying trying not to scream, gripping the bed, gasping out asking what is happening. He is cauterizing the wound. Again, no warning, no meds.
This many years later, daughter is recovered but I am living with crippling anxiety. I had undiagnosed PTSD and PPA for years. I ended up with depression. Flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks, can't look at birth photos, triggered heavily with birthdays, shows on tv, other people's births... it goes on and on. Bled heavily every bowel movement for over two years. Sex was excruciating for seven and can still be painful. Urinary issues... I am not kidding when I say this has changed my life. I will *never* be the same.
Dr. H was very kind to us. All of this still managed to happen. This man was my hero. I still don't understand why he couldn't do me the courtesy of warning me about what he would be doing in my body. It was incredibly violating. Birth notes from that night say that a viable mother and baby were released from the hospital. Wow. That is completely invalidating. Over a decade later and I am still affected.
Advice... if he suggests an ultrasound or cesarean before delivery, make sure that you are given one.